Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day (the sequel!)

Jess wrote in comments earlier reminding that we should talk to our mothers while we can.
He implied that Alzheimer's might limit that, I think.

My mom and I had a strained relationship after my teen years.
She remarried (again) and moved to Louisiana, where I visited her once.
We had a wonderful visit, and a year later she came down with lung cancer.
I was torn between visiting her or attending her funeral.
I called her to tell her this, and she told me not to worry about it.
She ran out of breath and said she had to hang up.
I found out later, I was the last to talk to her.
She died ten minutes later.
I'm glad I told her I loved her.

I just got off the phone with my step-mom.
My dad remarried when I was in my thirties and he loved her dearly.
But she eventually caused a rift in our family.
One of my brothers and my sister disowned my dad over her.
She was my dad's wife, and no matter the irritation, she was my dad's wife.
Love my dad, love her.

She had broken contact with us for awhile.
She had re-married and her new husband was threatened by her attachment to my dad and his family.
This hurt, because I had stood by her to my family, even after dad's death.
But she reached back last year, and we've kept in contact, but not closely.

Love my dad, love her.

I'd expect no less of my sons.
They both called Scherie today, one at some expense, to wish her a happy Mother's day.

So I called my step-mom.
She has COPD bad and is lonely and distressed by her illness.
As I mentioned, she has alienated a number of people.

Her youngest has disowned her because she re-married after my dad's death!
So basically, he loved my dad (his step-dad) so much that he resented her re-marrying and has rejected his own mom!
I don't get it.

So we talked, and I wish I had thought to visit her today, but I'll see her next Sunday.
We had to hang up because she was running out of breath.

I just called her back. I forgot to tell her I love her.


  1. Bob freely admits that being a step parent is the hardest job I the world. I had a wonderful relationship with his girls when they were young and lived with us. When they became adults they both just broke our hearts and seemed to have forgotten that we were the steady, stable parents. Sometimes I forget that I should have gotten used to being ignored on Mother's Day. But it's hard not to remember how it was until they were 20 or so.

    So it meant a lot that the youngest, now 31 sent me a text today. Please remind your kids to reach out to Scherie if they forget.

  2. Ed, this is such a beautiful piece...ending with the shortness of breath your bio Mom suffered from. Yes, time to visit your stepmom with that shortness of breath.
    Like Rita, I'm a stepmother of grown post talks about it today. My stepson went home to Munich after a 3 month visit, today, and I miss him already. THe stepdaughter and I are 'just okay'....she's very needy and I try...mostly, things are good, and they've been better since her Dad died. I guess she never stopped resenting me for having married him 22 yrs ago. I never wanted kids and then I married late, anyway...but God had other plans for me. I've got these two :-)
    Thanks for your post, it really touched me...

  3. Well done.
    You're a good man Ed.
    Call it Karma, whatever...
    I believe there is such a force and you'll be rewarded for your kindness.

  4. Thanks, all.
    Rita, both boys called.
    Only her son/my stepson didn't. Didn't want to give their position away :)
    Z: Thanks. I didn't realize it read like that til I was done.
    GB: That means a lot from you. Thanks.